Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
