Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...