Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..