R you on birth control?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude