i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
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Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery