someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
