you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
