Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
