all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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