Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
