She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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