i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
