just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
