No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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