the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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