I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
