when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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