just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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