Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
