i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
