I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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