don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
