What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
