Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
