i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
