I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
