i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
