So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
