It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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