there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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