dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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