i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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