Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
