i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
