respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
