His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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