just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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