My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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