Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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