I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
