She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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