walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
