I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
