it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
sarcasm needs its own font
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
