just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's shark week go big or go home
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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