I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
