Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
