Pants 0. Shit 1.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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