Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
