her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
