If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
