I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
