he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
