she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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