It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
