I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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