Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
