She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
