i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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