Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And my parents said I crawled through the house
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
