Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
