Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
