They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
