At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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