bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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