If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
