I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
