My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
