mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
