I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Green mimosas i think yes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
