So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i need some magic done to my vagina
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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