All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i think im in europe. pls send help
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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