You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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