i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ketchup is God's man juice
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
