Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize